Conversations

Conversations



In the real world I am not really a shy person, I like to go up to people and talk to them, have a conversation and have a laugh. Being part of Second Life I thought I would just be the same and just walk up to people, approach them and start a conversation with them and make some friends.
But I do have to say for some reason, especially in the last few weeks being on there, I am being really shy and not myself at all.
I found it really hard to go up to people and ask them certain questions. I mean it didn’t really help with most of the residence ignoring me or what I had to say. I always imagined that being in a virtual environment one can go from shy to being really outspoken, but for some reason I am the complete opposite.
Academics have argued that one is more open and free in a virtual environment than they would be in SL as they can be whoever they want. Although that might be true for some, me being a researcher in real life and on SL I am struggling to be open to others, not that I don’t want to but because for some reason I am being shy.
I found it really difficult to go up to a group of people on SL and talk to them. How would I start? What would I say? Do they want me to talk to them or would they rather have me go away? Am I intuding?
All these questions are normal even in the real world and there I usually never really think about it too much. So how come I am all of a sudden thinking of all those things?
My theory is that in the real world we learn from childhood onward to read people’s expressions and the way they use their body-language. Children with certain disabilities for example autism do not have these senses and in a way being in an online environment like SL we are kind of put into that state of mind. There is no body language or facial impressions we can read, we can only guess what the person behind the computer might be thinking or doing. Here we are stripped of that advantage, we can not tell by looking at them if they are friendly, unfriendly, approachable or dangerous. We just have to guess. Also if you do talk to someone we can never be really sure if that person is actually interested in what you have to say. Of course we don’t always know that in real life, but most of the time one can tell by the other person’s body language or facial expression if they are bored or interested.
In my normal life if I approach someone I smile at them to get their attention and while I am talking to someone. Here I do not have that advantage. Although you can make your Avatar use certain gestures they can easily be missed.
Also in the real world one can not just teleport ones self into another dimension or to another place if you had enough talking to another person or are bored by what they have to say. Here you have to stay and listen. Of course you can walk away and find an excuse but that is not the same in my eyes.
I am not sure if I am the only one who feels insecure by being left to guess what other might think or how they react of me being there, and I do miss the way one can read another’s facial expression and body language.
I might be a minority in the way I think and feel, as everyone else, especially academics are convinced that with being online and able to be whoever you want you would be more secure with yourself and loose some of your insecurities. Well every person is different and I wanted to share this with you in case some of you might feel the same.
And I also feel that everyone in SL(or most residence) are too busy with themselves and their friends they have already to actually notice someone else there. I have to say I have met nice people on there but only a few and it has always been really hard to actually make conversation, as most are already in conversation and one might feel really rude interrupting them or joining in.